Cats

Why were cats ever created?


They are an inferior breed of animals compared to dogs. Now dogs...what you don't know about life from watching dogs, you don't need to know.


Cats on the other hand...they are unfriendly, they cough up furballs, they spit and hiss at you, they look nasty (why are cats associated with witches, I ask you?!!), they are stupid (who would believe that they are bigger than they are just because of their raised hackles?) and they wash themselves (we all know that dogs have proper baths).

After all, the saying is that "dogs are man's best friend"...whoever heard of cats being man's friend, let alone 'best friend'?

And all things negative are associated with cats. You know, old spinsters who live alone usually have about 100 cats with them. And that makes them strange. And you know those stories about people whose lives are saved by their pets? When was the last time you read/heard about someone whose CAT saved them?!!

I mean, how many times have I tried to make friends with cats I ask you? I approach them slowly, so that they don't get startled. I don't growl or make a noise. I don't show them my teeth. I don't even sniff them from afar. And what do they do? Do they extend a friendly paw? NO! They get their hackles all raised up. They bare their fangs. They hiss at you. Then they either scratch you or jump at your face or they run away. How many of these actions can be remotely defined as friendly? NONE!

And all this nonsense about independent spirits and wandering about at night! Whatever for? Do dogs wander about at night and bring home a dead rat or two? Don't be silly. We dogs want to curl up in our beds (or if you're one of the lucky ones like me, the sofa) in the warmth and company of our humans. Wander at night on our own? What would be the point? Only those poor orphan dogs who don't have humans wander about at night on their own. And they are to be pitied! Not admired for freedom or "independent spirits"...

Have you smelled the stuff that cats eat? Mine usually smells of red and pink foods - chicken or beef or lamb. Dad always says that my food smells good enough for him to eat. Cats eat fish! I mean, fish! FISH! Look at what it says on their cat food tins! Pssshttt! Fish...they stink and have no consistency (refer to previous blog on food). That makes it 'not real food'...and anything that eats 'not real food' is a waste of time.

So all you humans out there who think that you may want a cat for a pet...trust me, dogs are better! Just ask any dog!